Prayer Request Prayer Wall

Anonymous

Need Christmas miracle

My husband can be super sweet, and nice and things can be wonderful for a time and he has not gotten super angry in a few weeks, except for today.

Please pray for reconciliation . For healing of our hearts, that me and my husband can see me through God's eyes, that I won't disappoint the Lord.

I think sometimes, why can't I be loved??? If my husband negative report about me is right, then I am a failure and God is not happy with me.

Usually I try to shut my mouth, say nothing, let insults slide, etc......to keep the peace. Today first he was like, the turkey's not in the oven yet...then I had just finished stuffing the turkey and told him it's in the oven and heard him coming upstairs, i told him not to come upstairs because the kitchen was still a mess but he came up anyways.

Seeing that I had left a bit, few pieces here and there, of celery and bread in the bowl, and a bit had fallen on the cutting board while stuffing the turkey, plus the mess while cooking, he got upset. He said what would a professor of cooking do if he saw it, the professor would take points off my grade. Then his aunts, even grandma would correct me if they were here, etc....Finally after trying to say , it's Christmas, can we not argue....he called me stupid and started again putting my family down, saying my family amounted to nothing, like as if they're all uneducated idiots, etc... do I have to be like them?? I lost it, I said I want to leave.... if I could go back to the beginning, I would say no to marrying him. This is the first time I've said that. Even though I said this in anger, it's not the first time I thought it. He seems so unhappy with me at times, I'm disorganized, I break things, I'm distracted, etc... that if God would grant me that wish, I would take it so that he would be happy. I wouldn't know how to start over, I have been left to feel as if I am not successful, I have no degrees, he didnt want ke working when we got married, then decided that I would work with him and get a salary. He controls the money and I only brought over 2 small pieces of furniture when we got married, so basically I didn't have much, which he frequently reminds me. He said in the past he would see a divorce lawyer, that I am a mistake (marrying me), that he is disappointment in me, he even said once he'd tell the judge I was a lesbian because I had difficulty especially in the beginning of our marriage being intimate, because in bed he was nice, outside I couldn't seem to do much right and he was often angry.. When I bring back things he said, he denies he said it or says I am twisting things. I once said in anger I would destroy the house, and he said if I do, he'd break my legs and then later denied saying it. I can't deny his claims that I have not accomplished much in my life, compared to him. I feel like a mistake at times. I struggle with self esteem issues. A friend offered me some part time work, data entry, my husband said if I took it I would be an intellectual whore, because it would be some other man getting me to move me to work (I work with my husband now) In the beginning of our marriage he caught me calling a prayer line, and said I was a spiritual whore if I call them so I promised not to call prayer lines (but I can write, I didn't promise I wouldn't write) I told him he was a fake. That He can speak the word of God well, etc... but doesn't live it. That no one knows how he is at home. He's called me fat and guyish. I had bought joggers to be comfortable shopping, the first day I wore it, he said nothing. The second time, he got angry and said I dress unfeminine, etc... He says he's been serving the Lord a lot longer than me. He said today again something along the lines of..that God took care of people who spoke like me, so I better be careful how I speak to him. He's even said God was disappointed in me another time. The God he's talking about is disappointed in me, and might ""get" me in a bad way because of the way I speak to him, someone in authority.

I don't know what to do. He doesn't see anything wrong with his anger towards me. He yells at me and come up to me close, but it doesn't scare me.

Received: December 25, 2020